What you've been missing... What I've been missing...

Lets start with Halloween... because that is the order the pictures loaded up in... IM sure Heather will kill me for posting this.. but really? she sent it to me... what did she expect!! LOL she and her friends dressed up and did Karioke *SP* for Halloween... Yes my friends.. she is 21.. watch out...

Johnathon and I met up with Michelle and her kids to go trick or treating in the torrential downpour ... They are SOOOO Cute together...

ROTFLMAO! I couldnt resist posting this picture... Before you feel too bad for lil Jimmy, look at the smile on his face... Even with this terrifying costume... Johnathon is not too scary.

Here he is letting this beautiful girl wear the mask.. They are so cute together

Crazy hair day at school for red ribbon week brought out his funky style

We have been coming up with other activitys to keep warm... here is another rainy day, spent at hollywood connections... Shawn and Johnathon Miniature Golfed...

Rollerskated... (Fell alot...)

Sister came too!!!!

And played in the arcade.... So much fun

Okay... Thats the run down of what you have been missing... its been a couple months since i posted.. so there is alot more missed than worth mentioning... I moved... Oh yeah, i did that... I threw away everything i owned and started my life over... Johnathon and I, along with a black cat and the HUGE dog moved into an apartment.. I have never lived in an apartment before, but it makes sense for my little family... On one hand its really good to go... leave everything that carries all the memories... on the other hand, its hard to be somewhere with no roots... although im quickly trying to make some. In the next few weeks i will be putting up Holiday decorations (Very scaled down holiday decorations) and i have this overwhelming sense of insecurity... Fear is more like it... Of how i am feeling, what i am doing... where i want to be... Nothing feels familiar, nothing feels comfortable... I keep myself so busy, and on such a tight leash emotionally... to make sure i dont drift, that i havent drifted at all... I havent painted... i havent played music.. i havent written... I am missing a cigarette.. and large goblet of wine... some stirring music.. and fingers and nails encrusted in paint.. creativity, pain, fear, hope, happiness.. anything... Thats what i am missing... I will start here.. and try to keep this updated, it makes me feel more like a person, less of a machine, and see how far i get... Love love love